This is a nice piece motivated from a nice place. Despite the fact he was never interested in my writing for Time Out, not really, I came up with the Ten Facts You Wouldn’t Find Out Without a Guide and was really happy I had a chance to share the writing of something with him.
The call where I could ask him for these facts reminded me how good and knowledgeable a tour guide he was and is. Reading back through them now, I can see just how true that is and it’s a nice feeling.
Our phonecalls and occasional Skypes were so empty most of the time otherwise. I would often wait in for him to appear online on a day I knew he was off base. And then once in the summer when I had done that and he finally showed up, he said we never talked about anything in those calls so why bother. I was upset. Another attack, another criticism when I had waited all day to talk to him.
But we didn’t understand each other.
I understood later that chit chat and sharing daily life to him had no meaning. He was looking for me to tell him I missed him or hear some feeling. I was just getting more annoyed that he was asking me about my classes and things I didn’t care about – as if he didn’t know me or anything that mattered to me. I needed to connect as a person on a mental level before I could make an emotional connection. He needed it the other way round – or maybe not the mental side at all.
We were slipping further and further every month. I think I ended up with other people because of that not as a cause of it.
The fact he showed no major interest in the clipping of the article when I sent it only reinforced both of our views about the growing distance.