Given that the average fridge contains 400 times more bacteria than the average toilet, I dare to suggest that YOUR fridge might be harboring more potential little friends than your local meyhane. Time to de-gross it and throw out items past their sell-by-date. But wait, isn’t that wasteful? Couldn’t you do something a little more thrifty?
Suspending disbelief for a moment and pretending you didn’t finish the bottle all in one go the night before, what to do with that acidising vino? Well, you could make vinegar, actually increasing the value of the wine. Think how much a tiny bottle of top quality Balsamic costs. Or, slightly less labor intensive, make sangria. It’s a scientific fact* that any old piss can be transformed through the magical formula of Sangria into a hangoverless nectar for the Gods. Throw in the wine, orange juice, chopped fruit, lemonade or soda water and a cinnamon stick with a spirit like brandy or Cointreau to give it the extra kick. But really, the beauty of it is that anything will do.
To my irritated bemusement, my Turkish ex-flatmate used to fill up the fridge with bags of dried pulses. Why on Earth this was necessary when the drying process renders beans as indestructible as cockroaches after a nuclear war became clear when, come summer, my cupboard dwelling lentils became the habitat for larvae and the subsequent moths that grew from them. Leave beans in there!
As long as it’s not diet coke, room temperature, flat coke is a good cure for nausea. With the caffeine, you might even have a hangover remedy but I’m not promising anything.
How is it that to buy expensive imported blue cheese is the sign of a sophisticated palate but the DIY version is just plain scuzzy? Because monks invented the process of controlled spoiling 1200 years ago and the penicillin spores are deliberately injected into the cheese. I doubt the same care went into yours so cut the mould away, at least one cm under any green bits and it should be edible.
Wrinkly vegetable and limp salad leaves
However past their prime they are, short of actual decomposition, they’ll make good soup. Now you’ve cleaned up the fridge, you can continue the detox by living off it for the next 3 days, storing it in a fridge at 5 degrees Celsius to keep everything bacteria free.
* Artistic interpretation of the words ‘scientific’ and ‘fact’